#it's been like a month or smth since i had front desk cut me some slack for not immediately reciting the correct phrasing upon picking up

[rubberbandballqueen]

MY BOSS (off on fridays) JUST CALLED THE LANDLINE??? LIKE MA'AM I KNOW I'M ON FRONT DESK BUT WHAT IF I WAS IN THE BATHROOM. GIVE ME SOME FUCKING PLAUSIBLE DENIABILITY HERE.

and then she asked me if i could stay late today ABSOLUTELY NOT ma'am i have been clocked in for ONE HOUR and am already turning into a pumpkin as we fucking SPEAK

[forbidden-celestia-lore]

so what's the haunted house then

well, thank you for asking, person who was definitely not sending this ask from their work computer!

first, bit of backstory: off the tail end of some Wizard Shenanigans, we followed a rider from the Whispering way to this tiny little fishing village, which has been experiencing a bit of Bad Luck for the last few months. The mayor personally welcomed us, hiring us to figure out what the fuck is up with the local church, one of a sea god, supposedly. We (read: Thela) broke into investigated this church, found… some headless bodies, a chest that smells like fish, some freaky ass carvings, a bloody altar, slugs that posses you and make your head explode (remember this one), and a giant spell casting crab monster. Suprise! it’s a cult. We go in the next day at noon like the chumps we are and get ambushed, killing a bunch of the priest/cultists, and finding some more Loot. We tell the mayor, and he tells us that the head priest disappeared into the woods a few days ago, heading off to some mansion thing. We want our money, and we may as well finish the job, so we pack up and follow. 

Got all that? Great. 

So we’re heading out to this random house in the woods, right, and my idea is that the head priest is part of the Whispering Way, cause we found the rider we were following headless in the slug room (don’t ASK me how that works), and that he was going out with a bunch of local contacts or smth to do Secret Plotting. So we get there, actually we haven’t really even “gotten” there yet, as the map hadn’t even been drawn when my dad asks us for a perception check, which we all of course fail. Or we think we’ve failed, because all he tells us is that we see a ripple on the nearby lake, putting us all on edge. A fitting start!

So we’re at this house, and I don’t think we’ve ever entered through the front door in our lives, which means that we pick the wing closest to the path we came in on and sneak up to it. I’m pretty sure my dad was internally screaming (or laughing, depending) at this point, because when we got in (undetected I might add!) and kinda sorta relaxed, and Jafar sat on the fucking couch a SWARM OF TICKS POURED OUT OF THE FUCKING COUCH. TICKS. So Celestia screams (literally, I had her do that canonically, would have totally ruined our stealth had there been anyone around to care) and runs out of the room, ducks through the first doorway she sees and immediately starts changing into her cultist disguise, in case someone did hear her and is coming. Thela climbs into the air using her immovable rods, Obezyana and Krono (who were by the door) run back outside after setting Jafar, who is now covered in ticks, on fire. And then from outside they do it again. And maybe one more time I’m not sure, but fire was the only thing we had that would hurt those ticks, until Obezyana had the legit bright idea to use color spray, which stuns every critter in a certain area. My dad was gracious enough to let him warn Thela, so she wasn’t affected, but the ticks were STUNNED and we LEFT as quickly as we could.

We regrouped in the main entry hall, Celestia now in her Whispering Way garb, and decided to look at the second wing before going into the main hall. All that was in that wing was an old storage room, where a fight of some sort had taken place recently, and we found a box that used to have a statue in it (the statue had been stolen from a museum, and we’d had to prove it wasn’t the beast Simon who stole it, but the Whispering Way, so we Knew they were here). We also found a horse! Clearly the horse the Whispering Way agent had ridden, but they’d been there for a few days without food or water or anything. We fed it, watered it, and made our way to the main hall. 

On the map, the house was drawn as one big circle in the middle, representing the main hall, with two rectangles coming off of it at a little more than a 90* angle. It turns out that the house was constructed this way because the main support beams for the central structure were a fucking druid circle, creepy ass alter included. We actually found a secret compartment on the Cursed Altar that had a Big seed in it, which we did Not touch. At which point and actual literal Giant came through a door on the other side of the hall and asked us what we were doing. I, being the diplomat of the group, told everyone to shut up and pretended I was supposed to be there, can’t you see I’m part of your cult (which I wasn’t but I didn’t know that)? This sufficiently confused the giant, letting us march past him, except then we had to act like we knew what we were doing which meant that we went through the first door we saw, and of course it was the one with the Head Priest behind it. Thankfully he was merely a pathetic spellcaster (I say, a spellcaster), so we were able to subdue him in two rounds and render him unconscious in like, three. Except!!! Surprise!!!!! He’d been possessed by one of the slugs!!!! And his fucking head exploded into tentacles!!!! Celestia screamed and scrambled backward. Thela jumped. Obezyana took a step backward. Jafar screamed and tried to shove them back into his fucking neck.

We may have panicked a little.

Eventually (and surprisingly quickly) by doing the combat equivalent of hitting him over the head with a baseball bat and screaming we were able to kill whatever the Fuck he’d become, except!!! Another surprise!!!!! He exploded AGAIN!!!!! This time into more slugs!!!!!! Six of them!!!!!!! What fun!!!!!!! Kill me!!!!!!

Turns out arrows work really well on those bastards, which is great because it meant that Obezyana was able to shoot like three all at once while Jafar smashed another one or two, but three of them slimed away out the open window into the woods.

“OH NO YOU FUCKING DON’T” said Obezyana, leaping over the balcony railing and running off into the woods after them, the speedy bastards. 

“Let’s burn this place to the ground” said Thela thoughtfully. “Great idea but let’s loot if first” said Celestia, greedily. “NO” said literally everyone, smartly. “But MONEY” said Celestia with her singular braincell, running off down the hall and opening the first door she found.

Now TO BE FAIR, she didn’t like, fling it open. She may be careless and greedy, but she’s not stupid. Good thing too, cause behind that door was a library, half collapsed and rotted away, inhabited by a pair of bloodthirsty ghosts! Thela had wanted to leave, but once she knew there were undead there she was obligated to at least try and help them leave, for Pharasma reasons. So she stayed behind with Jafar while Celestia was like “OKAY GREAT LET’S KNOCK THIS HOUSE OUT AS FAST AS POSSIBLE I’LL JUST RUN AHEAD” and powerwalked into the next room. 

The room right next to the Ghost library was actually an empty bedroom, excepting a cradle and a mobile made of seashells hanging above it. There was no draft, but when she had to roll a perception check and it moved when Celestia opened the door. She didn’t go in. 

The room after THAT was actually more of a fancy hallway, with a desk in the middle of it, looking away from some stunning views from the floor to ceiling windows behind it. THIS time Celestia actually did good on her perception check, and she was able to notice (and identify!) the yellow powder covering the desk as a type of mold that fucking EXPLODES into a POISONOUS CLOUD when disturbed!! Because what ELSE would this house have!! NORMAL dangers??? don’t be ridiculous (still tried to open it tho)

But after deciding aGIANST that, she went to the door at the other end of the hall room, because Celestia’s completionism knows no bounds. This entire time, Thela and Jafar had been dealing with the ghosts, and I don’t remember their bit very well? I think I wasn’t paying attention (or it was literally happening concurrently with my little adventure, whoops), but the gist of it was that the ghosts were Not up for conversation and FLEW at the pair of them, and Thela slammed the door in their faces and walked quickly on over to Celestia. So when Celestia opened the door at the other end of the hall, which will now be referred to as The Bedroom Door, Thela was there too, to help her out! Which was good! For reasons to be explained!

Behind The Bedroom Door was, well, a bedroom obviously, but it was. Hm. Literally cursed? It was dark, with a large, blood stained bed, and the ornate carving of a ship on a storm tossed sea above it carved into, just, cut to pieces. Someone had carved “THE PACT HAS BEEN BROKEN” into this fuckin ruined bed in this ruined house, and I think Celestia could see… things. The shadows were moving, or wrong, or something, but it meant that she did NOT want to go in. Thela, however, could be convinced by loot, and since she has a stupid high stealth snuck into the room to try and get into the attic. 

So part of the fun of Pathfinder, or any ttrpg really, is that not only do you get to roleplay, you get to act and see what the Universe thinks of your decision. So when Thela rolled very, very high, it really added to the experiance that my dad (the DM) sighed with relief before describing the room. +31 stealth! I’ve got the second highest at +16! Sage rolled REALLY HIGH! SIGHED with RELIEF!! 

The, things, that had such a high perception, were… not, dogs. They were large, shadowy, quadrupedal, with long, long thin legs and mouths full of teeth. Glowing eyes. And when you looked at them, you could feel your mind… twisting. Thela had to roll stealth again. A little farther into the room. Then she noticed that they weren’t… they were completely visible (well. no. they never were.) but they weren’t standing in the room. She could see them as if there was nothing in the way, but they were also very clearly standing outside of the second story bedroom. She signed this to Celestia (they both know sign), succeeded her final stealth check and BOOKED IT upstairs and away from the not-dogs. (here’s a drawing I did of them, if you’d like to look)

Celestia went downstairs, while Thela went upstairs to the attic. She found a book up there! Called smth like Non Euclidean Geometry. Written in Abysmal. Fun!

She also found the smashed corpse of a Whispering Way cultist, in a crater, and realized it must have been dropped from a very high height, which didn’t make sense considering there was only open sky above her oh my god what the fuck is that. SURPRISE!! I GIANT FUCKING FLYING BIRD DRAGON REPTILE GRIFFIN BUT NOT THING!!! IT REGULARLY EATS ELEPHANTS AS LIGHT SNACKS!!! AND OBEZYANA IS OUTSIDE!!!!!

anyway I’m gonna add the next bit in a reblog because this is getting long and tumblr doesn’t let me save this as a draft so this is all on my clipboard, making me nervous.

[writing-freestyle]

model!irene

i haven’t updated in so long, i’m so sorry!

when she first became a model, people were like… that face can't be real. it's photoshop or smth, it's so perfect

BUT NOPE

irene is literally just that beautiful

models for cosmetics, not really clothes too much

but when she does model for clothing lines, whatever she wore sold out in under five minutes

no one believes she’s a day over 20 when they first see her, they're always like…. ur either drinking straight outta the fountain of youth or ur really just that young

but they stop saying that when they see her with newbie model!yeri, because….. she's a whole mom

babies the hell outta yeri, and even though yeri is like… irene, pls…. i’m an adult

she still eats the crust-free, dinosaur shaped sandwhiches irene brings her with the biggest smile on her face

and that smile is the reason irene babies her so much

irene lives to make other people happy, and it's this trait that makes you fall super hard for her

ur an employ at the company irene is signed with, and it's not like ur in her immediate team or anything like that

u just recieve requests from people that want to work with the agency’s models, and it's ur job to sort out the request and either assign them a model if they haven't specified, or make sure the requests reach the desk of the specific model’s team

and it's a really good job! u like it, especially since an organized environment is what you love most in the world, and that's basically what ur doing for a living

but sometimes it gets stressful

bc the agency is so huge, it requires everyone to be on their a game at all times, and since it's basically just you doing the sorting, it can be…. overwhelming

and especially in the few months or so before spring is when it gets real hectic

because everyone wants models for photoshoots with blooming flowers and falling cherry blossoms

which you’ve handled before, it should be no big deal, and this year should be no different

but for some reason

when you go to work one day

you just….. can't

it's not like you sit at your desk and do nothing, but it's more like you're trying to do things, but keep making mistakes you’ve never made before

when it's an hour before your lunch break, you send out two stacks of requests, one for irene’s team, and one for seulgi’s team, because those two usually are more opinionated on which jobs they take on, and they'll probably need more time than yeri, joy, and wendy combined to decide

and ur like ‘cool, the requests are on their way, i need to stop stressing and chill a little, i got this.’

but right as you say this, an intern walks into ur office and looks kinda…. concerned?

and u know it's the intern from seulgi’s team, so ur like…. what happened with the requests, is something wrong?

and the intern kinda mumbles at first cause they don't want you to be upset, but eventually you make out that they're trying to tell you that…. irene and seulgi’s request still haven't been recieved

wat

“what do you mean they weren't recieved?”

“like… we got the message that we’d be recieving them today at 11:00 am, but….. we never got it.”

and you just snap because

oh my god

this is a major mistake, and you're going to be the one to take the blame

you tell the intern that you're going to fix it, and to go tell both seulgi’s and irene’s teams that it’ll be there soon

they nod and leave, and you begin to scavenge through all the scrunched up and tossed away notes to try and decipher which brand wanted who and what day and time and the benefits they offer with each job

and it's literal hell, because all your notes are so vague, because you immediately wrote them down on the official request forms for irene and seulgi so you wouldn't have to rewrite it later and waste time

without even realizing, lunch is long gone and it's nearing time for you to get off work

but there are at least ¼ of the requests missing from each girls’ pile and you're full on sobbing bc….. this sucks

and you're so stressed that you don't even realize someone entered your office until they timidly knock on the surface of your desk

you're somewhere between shocked and scared when you see it's irene, because a) you didn't even know she knew where your office was? and b) was she there to yell at you or fire you? because you will cry even harder if that's the case

but nah

before you can do anything, irene sets down a plastic container on your desk and pulls out a fork and a bottle of water from her purse and puts those in front of you as well

and that's when she really gets on ur fucking uwus, because she opens the container to reveal some crust-less, dinosaur shaped sandwiches with a fruit cup in the shape of stars on the side

“you didn't come out of your office all day, and the delivery guy didn't have your usual order when he stopped by the office earlier, so i….”

she kinda motions to the food, and looks down sheepishly, and ur all sorts of “wat” on the inside bc????

is irene a literal angel? probably

you thank her profusely and tell her she didn't have to do this, but she just gives you the softest smile and goes:

“i heard about what happened today. it's not your fault, but you're probably kicking yourself like it is. i just wanted to make sure you're not beating yourself up over this, because it makes me sad when you're stressed like that.”

irene has to leave shortly after that because she has a night shoot for this brand that came out with a new line of evening gown’s and irene was begged to model for it

but she makes sure to leave her number on your desk and tells you to text her if you're ever stressed and need someone to talk to

or if you wanna go on a taco date with her, but she says that part in her head bc she's like…. it's too soon for me to be this forward with them

sure enough, you do text irene a few days later, but it's not cause you're stressed

you actually ask her out to dinner to repay her for her kindness earlier

irene, in a meeting with her team, recieving ur text asking her out on saturday

manager: “what about this quick photoshoot for armani on saturday bc they're a top brand, and we really shouldn't say no to that??”

irene, feeling her heart ready to burst out of her chest: “no, i’m going to be living my dreams on saturday, k, bye :)”

you let irene pick the restaurant, and you thought it was gonna be fancy and expensive, bc, hello, super famous model??

but instead she goes “i know this taco truck”

if you weren't already in love with her at that point, YOU SURE AS HELL ARE NOW

so, you guys are sitting on this park bench at 11 pm

with four plates of tacos between the two of you

and you guys are telling stories and cracking jokes, and it’s honestly the best date either of you have ever been on

and at the end, irene just kinda lays her head on your shoulder and sighs so happily

“thank you for this, it’s been awhile since i’ve had this much fun.”

“maybe we could do this again sometime, then?”

irene suddenly snaps her head up to look at you with wide eyes, and is like “SERIOUSLY? OMG, CAUSE I HAD SUCH A GREAT TIME BUT I DIDN’T KNOW IF YOU HAD FUN TOO!”

“irene.... ur literally the human embodiment of happiness, i can’t be anything but in a good mood when i’m around u.”

something in irene just melts, and she’s like so happy that she pulls you in this giant hug and just starts to ramble about how happy she is and

and then she’s just like “i’m so happy you had fun, because i really like you, like a lot, and i would’ve been real sad if you didn’t have fun”

you just giggle and go “i like you too, okay? you can stop being so nervous now.”

and she relaxes and smiles, grabs your hand, entwine it with hers, and the two of you continue to talk and get to know each other even more

and that’s how you two start dating

y’all are the mom couple, y’all already knew this was coming

cutting fun shapes into yeri’s food so she thinks it's more exciting to ear her fruits and vegetables? check.

making sure joy doesn't break that vvv expensive vase while y’all are visiting locations for potential photoshoot’s? check.

helping wendy translate her thoughts properly when she’s too flustered to do so? check.

putting bandaids onto seulgi’s scrapes when she attempts to do some sport and takes it a little too seriously? check.

you two are just the resident angels, and everyone looks up to you two?? aspiring to be as great as you and irene are?

you two are really making the world a better place, bless

and you two take really good care of each other too! always making sure the other is eating properly and if the other is stressed that they have a shoulder to cry on or a person to love them unconditionally

it's gr8, and the rv members are so happy that irene has found someone with just as much love in their heart as she does, and isn't afraid to tell irene she's the love of their life every day

concept: irene has now taken a habit to eating lunch in your office. occasionally, the other rv members join too, but irene comes every day at noon with two sets of food and the biggest smile on her face. she always says that you're the best part about coming to work now.

[captainjellyroll]

my first time at an ER.

i... wasnt exactly planning on posting this anywhere besides a quick story on my snapchat & instagram, since i wanted it to be deleted in 24 hours. it isnt anything too major to worry about, but after thinking it over for a while; i finally kinda know what i wanted to say.

im posting about this not to worry anyone, or get pity. i genuinely feel like this might help someone who might need it.

[[ tw; heavy suicide mentions, mental illness talk, hospital stuff. ]]

all of it is under the cut, including one picture i took of my hospital wristbands so y’all dont think im lying or smth. its a long storytime, but it has a moral, and i think its useful to those struggling with intrusive or suicidal thoughts. thank you!

let’s start with my mental illness.

i was diagnosed with severe depression, anxiety, and ADHD almost 2 years ago. i was on medication, going to therapy, and feeling a lot better once i got help. everything was getting better, and i was happier.

until last year, when i moved.

my medical care was back in California, and they couldnt follow me to Minnesota. so, i was without medical help for almost a year. this past year has been a struggle on me mentally, and i relied on certain “drug dealers” to provide me with any leftover anti-depressants i could get my hands on. but, soon i ran out of resources and there was no where i could turn.

it took me months to get motivated and even attempt to get MN state insurance for medical care. yesterday i had my very first appointment in Minnesota to go get meds.

it is very very very bad to be off your meds for even a day, but i was off my meds for a year.

as soon as i finally sat down to talk to someone about getting me back on medication, i was very open about my mental health. i told the doctor about how recently ive been feeling unmotivated, low on energy, and...

how ive been suicidal.

she gave me this very shocked look; possibly because of the way i dress very upbeat and how i am in person. but, she listened and asked me more about my recent suicidal tendencies.

i told her how this was all very recent, and that it was usually very spur of the moment. i could be overwhelmed, glance at a bottle of pills, and a voice in my head would say “you know, you could take all of those right now and it would be painless.” or i could just be walking my dog, and an intrusive memory would attack me, then a voice in my head would tell me "just be a little more careless with crossing the road this time”.

she asked me “how often does this happen?” and i answered “almost daily.”

she nodded and frowned at me, then proceeded to go get another doctor. it took a while, but when i was left alone my eyes started to water but i told myself not to cry. she finally came back and told me if i wanted to go to the ER.

i was very confused, and i asked why i would need to go. and she simply explained that she didnt want to send me home with new medication, and make a bad decision when im alone with those pills.

and then i started to cry.

deep down, i knew i wouldnt actually follow through, because i knew i was finally getting help. but, in the moment, i was very doubtful of my capabilities and own strength. i was very concerned about myself, and i kept on telling her “i dont know” and how ive never been to and ER before. when im in pain, im too scared to even call an ambulance because putting a dramatic situation on someone as little as me seemed silly to me. but, the doctor was very convincing. she even said i might have to stay overnight, which scared the heck outta me.

she recommended i go via ambulance, but Katie ended up taking me instead. they were very strict that Katie take me straight to the hospital-- no detours.

i was shaking the entire ride there, but we finally arrived and we checked in. they did not hesitate to tag me with wristbands. i had to tell several officials that i was there because the previous doctor i saw told me to come to the ER due to “suicidal tendencies”.

every new person i saw asked me the same exact questions and sent me from one scary room to the next. i got my blood pressure checked no less than 3 times, and i signed a couple things along the way. until i ended up in a room with a bed, a couple chairs, a TV, and scrubs to change into.

i somehow ended up in a hospital patient room.

i changed into the hospital scrubs, and they took away my belongings to sanitarily seal them, and then locked them up in a safe along with my cell-phone.

i was quarantined as an actual patient.

katie eventually came to join me, having her belongings taken away from her as well, and she was tagged with a bright orange “visitor” badge.

i was very shaken and scared, and i didnt know i was going to get to this point. katie was confused, but very supportive and comforted me the entire time.

we saw several nurses and staff members, who interviewed us and checked up on me. there was a very long wait until we finally saw the social worker that my doctor told me to talk to, but in the meantime i just talked with katie to clear my head and feel a little better. (i was resting my head on her lap, but then a security guard came in and told us we were not allowed to do that, which sucked.)

at this point, after waiting for so long and going through this entire process to talk to someone of importance-- i felt much calmer and i was all out of tears. i was more clear-headed, and after talking with katie and experiencing what the ER was like, i realized...

i dont need to be here.

the social worker finally arrived, and we talked about why i was there. it didnt take that much effort to explain the situation and get things straightened out. she was very understanding, and she called the doctor that sent me here and she got me on new medication!

from checking into the first clinic, to being checked into a hospital 5 hours later- i finally got my anti-depressants. it wasnt that necessary to get me into hospital scrubs and quarantine me, but... here’s where the lesson comes in.

i know now what i should do if i get too suicidal.

i didnt know what would happen if i went to the ER, i didnt know what even happens at the ER. i didnt know you could check yourself in, or that mental health stuff such as suicidal tendencies would be allowed at the ER.

once you walk in, and tell the front desk that you are having suicidal tendencies-

they will not hesitate to tag you and send you somewhere safe. as soon as i said “suicidal” they printed off a name-tag and the lady smiled and said “i’m glad you didnt do it and decided to get help.” and immediately sent me off into the maze that is the ER.

i dont know if the experience is different based off your insurance, but i applied for the Minnesota state insurance for low-income people through MNsure, and everything mental health related was free. i didnt pay for visits, i didnt pay copay, i didnt pay for meds- the only thing that was paid was parking for katie’s car at the hospital.

but yea, it was a crazy, wild ride, and at the end of the day im glad i got to experience it. some people might say it was a waste of time, or a misunderstanding, or unnecessary-

but im glad it happened, because i know what to expect if i do ever feel suicidal.

and, i hope someone who is reading this knows what to expect too. i know its easier said than done, but honestly-- there is more help out there than you think.

if you are ever feeling suicidal, go to the nearest ER. they want to help you, and they will get you somewhere safe. they’ll work out the details later, but if you need help ASAP, they will provide it for you, no matter what. at least, thats what i think happens. i hope thats true...

anyways, thank you for reading this incredibly long and personal story, and i hope you learned something like i did.

i am on new anti-depressants now, and dont worry- i wont overdose on them.

thank you everyone who gave me kind wishes, and im sorry for the scare. i wasnt trying to worry anybody.

i’ll keep on fighting. 💕💕💕

[kaoarika]

As I was tweeting a few of days ago, I wish I was liveblogging my reactions to a webtoon that I’m reading (I mostly read from the LINE Webtoons site, and sometimes, SOMETIMES I check the Discover part of the website ...where I swear needs a better searching system? THERE’S A LOT THERE), because I’m mostly amused at it.

Long story short is that I freaking LOVE "Anne”, even though it gives me some overwhelming and uneasiness feelings around. 

IT's a VERY slow burn (?) romance story (I read material from 2015 up until now) and there are TON of things that haven't been resolved YET (and the in-universe time pace is "a couple of weeks" what).

I know it’s not a perfect story (and the characters are a mixed bag due to how they act), the art in general is fine,  but I’m a dork for romance shit with a fairly interesting plot (and the bonus is that the MCs are around my age... lol).

And, tbh, there are also two reasons why I stayed: one is that it was tagged as mature (and there are smut scenes, even though the free version has them censored -”free”, meaning the author has them uncensored through Patreon tiers... and DAMN... I’m tempted... but I’m not very stable either right now OTL - ), and the other one is that the male MC (Charlie) has an uncanny resemblance to Mage(*) and I couldn’t... let’s say... take my sight away from it >3> (It was... no, it IS weird, lol)

So, I started reading... and I was hooked. Link here (to read from the beginning). 

Due to possible spoilers, let me handle the read cut and start rambling:

Anne is 26 years old, works as a freelance illustrator and is mostly a shy and introverted woman who doesn’t trust too much in other people besides her friends and people inside her comfort zone (such as her sister). She gets invited to an Elementary School reunion, a time of her life that she isn’t very fond of (relatable af). The last person she finds there is the boy, now a grown up and very successful man, who used to bully her, Charlie. And things turn upside down from there on.

There’s things here and there that mostly gives clues to why she became the person she is in the present, or why she doesn’t trust that much to Charlie, who seems to have changed his life around as well... “Seems” is a very keyword here (due to how events have been going on). And I cannot really blame Anne.

Her friends are mostly shitty, tbh?. Mónica even more so than Sofía. Mónica has been her friend since Elementary School, but she is so self-centered and very manipulative to play things in her favor. It looks like it’s very intentional (or more likely, automatic... because she sends LOTS of mixing messages, even if she claims she cares for Anne... all due to missunderstandings), as it look like there was a tension building up right after she developed a crush on Charlie during High School and that ONE NIGHT incident that COULD have made her go into a more antagonistic route towards Anne. She does mention that their friendship reached a rift thanks to Edward... because, he is another piece of work thanks to the hints given around.

Sofía was someone Anne started to be friends with more towards her adult life, and at the same time, I don’t think she is the best influence in her adult life, either. I think she is giving her best support, and often acts like a mom towards her, but she is also very pushy in some situations (for example, she is the one who forced Anne to go to the reunion... helped Charlie to go to see her, even when she told her she didn’t want to see him again) that may not help that much.

Martha, Anne’s sister, looks like it’s the only one of her family that is around (their parents got divorced somewhere along the line, and looks like Anne doesn’t really get along them), even if she is overseas. She looked her up when younger (as she often defended her from Charlie) but she also has some issues around (mostly, she looks like a very impulsive person... I kinda understand why asking money and help to her sister is the only way (even though there’s little consideration about Anne’s own economical struggles, too?).. but gdi, I think most of her problems overseas could have been avoided if she wasn’t too impulsive... and I REALLY suspect there is smth more shady to her story in Japan than it has been shown (truth to be told, for one, I do know that living there is expensive... hence why I think that there’s smth shady around).

Edward... at the moment hasn’t shown up in front of the reader. But there are hints to make us think that he may be manipulative (if I trust Mónica’s words about that) and that his relationship with Anne was not exactly the best one (up until recent time, as he has been gone for months, and suddenly he appears in Japan saying that he is “coming back” soon). Like... maybe he is manipulative... (”best” case scenario is that he and Anne had a very toxic relationship, and their “break up” involved cheating... in other words... reason why she doesn’t trust men either)... but details are still in the dark. They apparently started dating since high school...

And then there’s Charlie. 

I’m not going to defend why he bullied Anne when they were younger, as there are always other things to reccur when starting getting along with someone you like. Personally, for every little bad thing he did, I think he should have apologized for that at the time (there was one time he accidentally closed her inside a janitor’s room when they were kids... it was a prank gone wrong), and eventually (more than a decade or so later) he does (she isn’t nowhere happy with that apology, though). 

He has a loooong story with Anne besides the bullying part, as they have been classmates all the way up until High School. It’s clear that he always liked her (to an unhealthy(?) degree of obsession afawk)  and has always been in a “we are not friends, but mostly acaquaintances” friendship (not sure if frenemies) relationship with her ever since... probably more in high school, where he was part of the popular crowd clique (he claims he didn’t like being part of it, though). 

That ONE night incident is part of this, too... but maybe it is problematic no matter how you look at it (not going too much into details about this, but WOW). The aftermaths are clear in many things, though (Anne feels embarrassed enough about this, even to claim nothing happened; this is just my theory, but Mónica probably is the one who started the gossip due to jealousy, and it doesn’t help that Charlie was popular, antagonizing Anne in a whole instead of “helping” her...)

Let me be clear, Charlie is not a saint, although he is noticeable embarrassed about a loooot of stuff he did in the past (and it comes out that the guy ended up being a dorky geek, too), many of which he ended making more enemies than friends. There’s still stuff that the reader doesn’t know that much about him (like his real profession... he is in a department of some kind of business and that forces him to take trips), however, and he claims he didn’t really had a steady romantic relationship with someone (he didn’t want to because “there was always a girl on his mind”, so past flings may be a thing... and he has a female stalker) until recent times -and they aren’t longer together, either-. His way of acting in the present is also not the best, I swear (oh, it is an improvement from his childhood and possibly teenage years, but he needs to improve much more).

Anne herself isn’t that much of a saint either, although I think I relate a lot of stuff she goes through (mostly relating to work and comfort zones)... I do wonder if I had friends like hers... but then again, that would be probably more toxic than positive in my own life.

And SO, things start to heat when Anne and Charlie  share a kiss and mixing feelings start to bloom in Anne’s mind and heart. That much (and amusing) that it allows to see some of her alter-egos (?), each representing a part of her (her kid self, her teenage self, her “professional persona”, her “heart”/romantic self -who still misses Edward, so it rises some questions about who he is, though...- and her sexual needs, ejem, literally her vag**a), lol. Similarly, Charlie has its own (although a bit different, at the moment?) - his professional persona, his teenage self (who I suspect may be his teenage wrath from the aftermaths of the night incident), and his sexual needs (? or so I think he represents it, lol).

There’s too much I want to talk about, and this post is getting too long already ;;.

But these all things also raise questions?! And I am so into it that? AHHHH!!! 

No wonder why I feel overwhelmed about it. Even with the usual that I’m reading in the main page of Webtoons (that have an established storyline going like Gourmet Hound, Assassin Roommate, or Kind of Confidential), right now.

Bless you if you read this rambling.. I swear it could have gotten longer. The series is ongoing... apparently there’s still too much to happen and like I mentioned in the first few paragrpahs, I’m even more amused this has happened in-universe in a couple of weeks (or at least a month?) during the past 3 years IRL.

(*) And I really want to think this was unintentional... hence why I mention “uncanny resemblance” (it’s mostly the form of their faces, and how they look with their hair tied up, most of the time Charlie doesn’t do this... you cannot imagine how hard was not thinking in this when I have one of my Mage keychains on my desk...

[trickstarbrave]

listen i try to always fucking support usps cause its unionized and i get they have gotten major budget cuts and shit

but i am fucking tired of this. 

i have had 5 packages be canceled for delivery and returned because they ‘couldnt be delivered’ (YES i wrote the RIGHT ADDRESS-- we had a change in address that USPS was in charge of and i MADE SURE its the new, correct address. since they packages were broken up in the same order fsr SOME PACKAGES FROM THE SAME ORDER were delivered but others not) and now

i have a package from ebay. usps claims to have delivered it saturday afternoon (time stamped too). i checked monday (i checked my email on monday): not there. i checked today: not there. i went up to the front desk and had them open every box in my row. not there. 

if it was delivered to the wrong box it was delivered to the VERY WRONG BOX. or it wasnt delivered. and im just so fucking pissed bc one or two mistakes i can fucking handle. okay. i can handle it i can deal with it i wont FUCKING DIE. its been. SO MANY MISTAKES in the past month that im absolutely beside myself. i cant even go downtown to question the ppl bc i have to pay for parking and im disabled and fucked tired and going to school. 

im gonna like corner the postal carrier tomorrow at lunch in the mail room if i can find them and ask if they can check the boxes for a package delivered to me (maybe its in like 197, 297, 379 or smth) so i can have it (and i have my ID on me so lmao) if its still not showing up after that or by like saturday i will go downtown and ask them fucking about it.  

[imsvg]

Finding You Chapter 2: building

Fandom: Hibike! Euphonium/Sound! Euphonium Pairings:  Kumiko/Reina; Natsuki/Yuuko; implied Asuka/Kaori/Haruka; Nozomi/Mizore; Hazuki/Shuuichi Summary:  Two years have passed since Reina left after their second-year. Two years have passed and Kumiko is now a freshman in college. Two years have passed and she receives a letter from Reina. Two years have passed but something Kumiko thought she lost is making its way to her. Words: 4,760 Previous Chapters: 1 | Links: FF is here! AO3 is here!

i rec reading on AO3 b/c it’s much easier to read it on there. oh, and see if you can spot the two references i made in this chapter

The next letter from Reina came a week after Kumiko delivered hers.

Kumiko,

  You wrote a lot more than I expected. I’m quite glad you did, honestly; it reminds me of the times you would run off on tangents on our monthly hikes. I’m pleased to hear that everyone we know from band are doing well.

  That, obviously, includes you too.

  What degree are you working towards? I initially planned on majoring in instrumental performance and making a living off of that, but I heard that Taki-sensei received an offer to play in a prestigious orchestra that’s based in Tokyo. Although he won’t be leaving until a few more years, I’ve decided to become the next band director for Kitauji. It’s one of the reasons I’m back in Uji.

  Speaking of Kitauji, I dropped by the other day. It looks just as I remembered it, but something is inherently different about it. I honestly can’t describe it, but when I walked around, it felt so surreal. It didn't feel real. I thought that if I looked away, if I even blinked, it would have faded like a mirage.

  Maybe it’s the homesickness talking, but I really missed Kitauji. Sometimes I wonder what my senior year might have been if I didn't leave.

  Maybe if I stayed, I wouldn't feel this way towards it.

  On a much lighter note, it seems that the company that creates those strange instrument creatures (you know, the ones that Kawashima-san loved—or is it loves? I would think that she would have grown out it, but she never fails to surprise me, if I’m being honest) sponsors the band, now. I think Taki-sensei has mixed feelings about it.

  Write soon,

  Reina

  Kumiko reread the letter, taking in every syllable.

  Reina’s words were so raw, so honest, it took Kumiko aback. She thought she would have needed to peel back layers of protection covering Reina’s feelings again, the same way she did during their first two years of high school.

  It seems that wasn’t the case. Or, at least, to Reina it wasn’t.

  Well, of course Reina would have it easy, Logic began as Kumiko reached out for her lukewarm mug of coffee. She was the one who left, after all.

  Kumiko had a hard time forcing the coffee down her throat.

  She downed the rest of her drink, and rose from her seat, leaving the letter on the table. After a quick shower, she decided, she would begin working on her reply.

  Hopefully.

  -X-

  Call Transcript

  Hazuki Katou → Kumiko Oumae

  1:35 PM

  HK: Ku—mi—ko—chan!

  KO: Hazuki-chan! It’s been a while.

  HK: [laughs] Right? It’s hard to believe that summer’s already here! Next thing you know, it’s going to be the holidays, then spring comes, and it’s a whole new school year! Then we’re going to be second-years in college? Funny how time flies, you know?

  KO: [chuckles] Yeah, yeah, I get it. What’s new with you?

  HK: Nothin’ much, really. Just tryna get through school. [laughs] Sometimes, it feels like I never graduated from high school. I’m still in the same place, still seeing some of the same faces, still hating studying. It’s hard to believe that’s been already a year since we left from Kitauji.

  KO: [chuckles] Some things never change.

  HK: I guess. [chuckles] What’s new with you? I haven’t seen you in ages.

  KO: Nothing really. I mean, school ended for me too. Now I’m just…whittling the hours away by myself.

  HK: Eeeeh? Really? By yourself?

  KO: Well, yeah, by myself.

  HK: Thought you would have gotten another girlfriend or somethin’ by now.

  KO: [laughs nervously] No, no, not…yet.

  HK: That's a shame. You’re real pretty, Kumiko-chan. Bet you could get any gal you set your mind to.

  KO: A-ah, I guess. [nervous laughter] Thanks?

  HK: You can probably find someone at the Agata Festival!

  KO: It’s already that time of year?

  HK: Mhm! I think it’s…in several weeks, or something. But the town’s already making preparations for it. I think they’re really upping their game this year.

  KO: I don’t see why. [chuckles] The Festival’s the same every year.

  HK: How would you know? You haven’t been home in ages! [laughs] Say, you should come over! Stay over at your folks’ house, reconnect with people. You know, so that you’re not a hermit for the rest of vacation.

  KO: Maybe I will.

  HK: You should! Midori-chan’s coming over, too!

  KO: No way, is she really?

  HK: Yeah!

  KO: All the way from London? Damn.

  HK: Oh, oh! And guess who I saw recently!

  KO: Uh…Shuuichi?

  HK: [incomprehensible stuttering]

  KO: I’m…I’m sorry, what?

  HK: K-Kumiko-chan! Ho-how’d you find out?

  KO: …Find out what?

  HK: Oh. O-oh….

  KO: Is there…something I’m not getting here?

  HK: Oh…I—[laughs nervously]—I thought you knew.

  KO: Knew what?

  HK: Well…er…Tsukamoto-kun and I are together.

  KO: [sputters and coughs] I-I’m s-sorry—[coughing fit]

  HK: [worried] A-are you okay, Kumiko-chan…?

  KO: Y-yeah, I’m just—[clears throat] taken aback, is all. How long have you guys been…together?

  HK: Not long. I think this is our…fourth month?

  KO: [hums] You never stopped likin’ him, huh?

  HK: [titters] Y-yeah, guess not. You—er—don’t mind, do you?

  KO: O’course not. Why would I?

  HK: A-ah—mm—no reason….

  KO: [sighs] Hazuki-chan, you know I never liked him that way. You don’t have to worry about me being upset. Just ‘cause he’s my childhood friend doesn’t mean we were anything more than that. Don’t worry, okay? ‘Sides, you two make a good couple. I’m happy for the both of you. [laughs] Although, I am surprised that he managed to get someone as pretty as you.

  HK: Thanks, Kumiko-chan. [laughs quietly] But that wasn’t what I was going to tell you.

  KO: What is it, then?

  HK: I saw Reina-chan!

  KO: O-oh?

  HK: Mhm! It seems she’s back from studying abroad. She was taking a walk around the river. I wanted to go up to her and say hi, but Tsukamoto-kun and I were on a date. She looks…the same, but different at the same time. I mean, yeah, she cut her hair, but there’s something more to it that I can’t really describe it. If you saw her I think you would understand what I mean.

  KO: That so?

  HK: Mhm. Mm…Kumiko-chan?

  KO: Yeah?

  HK: Mind if I ask you a question?

  KO: What is it?

  HK: Do you two…still talk? Like, I know the both of you had a falling out back in high school when she left, but I was wondering if…you know—a-ah, you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to! I just wanted to make sure that I wasn’t, you know, opening up old wounds.

  KO: No, it’s fine. [chuckles] We’re talking to each other. Kind of.

  HK: Really? No way!

  KO: Kind of is the key phrase here. She sent a letter a week ago, and we have this correspondence going on between us. Sort of.

  HK: Ooh, letters! How romantic!

  KO: [stammering] I-I g-guess? [chuckles nervously]

  HK: Never thought Reina-chan would be that kind of person. You know, because it’s so convenient to just call or send a text.

  KO: Yeah, I get it. But, then again, she was always one for the unconventional.

  HK: [laughs] Sounds just like her.

  [The sound of a door opening is heard, followed by muffled speech is heard in the background]

  HK: Ah? Already? Okay. [whispers] Talk to you later, Kumiko-chan. I better see you at the Festival!

  KO: [laughs] Sure, sure. See you, then.

  Call End

  2:03 PM

  Kumiko locked her phone and set it aside.

  Seems like everyone’s finding love, hm? a part of her pointed out as she reached for a pen. Maybe she found someone new, too.

  Kumiko’s hand froze in mid-air.

  Slowly, she set her hand down and stared at the blank stationary in front of her. Kumiko would be lying if she said that the thought of Reina having another person in her life didn’t bother her.

  Wait, Logic chimed in, if, hypothetically, Reina did—and I’m not saying she does—but if she did, wouldn't have she mentioned it by now? She was never one to beat around the bush.

  She didn’t mention the day she was leaving.

  But look! Optimism added her voice as Kumiko took a quick glance at Reina’s recent letter. Look how she wrote those words. Look at that tone. You took Literature, didn’t you? How in the hell could she have someone when she wrote like tha—

 “Ah, shut up!” Kumiko cried out, silencing her thoughts. She slumped in her seat, her forehead hitting the desk with a faint thunk.

 “Why is it so hard to write?” She sighed and turned her head, her cheek resting on the cool parchment.

  The sight of a familiar potted cactus greeted her.

  Kumiko felt a small smile curl her lips. “At least you never left my side,” she muttered.

  The cactus said nothing.

 “It’s dumb,” Kumiko continued, “that I can’t be honest with Reina anymore. I mean it’s not dumb—it’s understandable, isn’t it, since she left and all?—but I hate how I can’t just go back to what we had. I mean, look”—she sat up and gestured to Reina’s letter—”at how she can just open up like nothing happened between us. Why can’t I do that? Why am I so s-scared?”

  Kumiko hated hearing her voice crack.

  Maybe you should talk to someone, Something suggested.

  The thought was sudden, but Kumiko didn’t dare argue, not when the familiar sting of tears was prickling the back of her eyes. She cleared her throat, and reached out for her phone. She ignored how her heart was pushing against its stitches, threatening to break them.

  With a quick input of her password, Kumiko sent out a text.

  2:09 PM

  kumiko: natsuki-senpai?

  natsuki: Whats up kid

  kumiko: i

uh

can i

talk to u about smth?

  natsuki: Sure

But i think i remembered telling u to call me

Not txt

  kumiko: you dont mind, do you?

  natsuki: Ofc not

I was just playin w/ u lol

  kumiko: oh okay

  natsuki: So what do u need

  kumiko: ah well

it’s just

uh

tbh idk how to start lol

  natsuki: Just start w/ the problem

  kumiko: well reina’s been sending me letters

okay it’s only been two but still

it’s been really hard to reply to her

  natsuki: Y

  kumiko: honestly it’s b/c im scared

  natsuki: Of what

  kumiko: opening up to her again

she’s talking to me like nothing’s happened

like she didn't leave

and i cant bring myself to do the same thing

  natsuki: So ur scared of talking to her

Is what ur tellin me

  kumiko: basically yeah

  natsuki: U no

If ur not comfortable w/ talking to her the same way u used 2

U dont have to force urself

Forcing urself to be comfortable will make u uncomfortable

But it seems u already no that lol

Take things slow and soon ull be talking to her like u used too

I no itll b hard

But being able 2 be at ease w/ the other person is important in any relationship

And thatll come eventually if u let it

  kumiko: it looks like you’ve had a lot of experience w/  this lol

  natsuki: Dont tell yuuko but

One of the reasons i acted like an asshole 2 her back in the day was b/c i didnt no how to talk to her

And b/c i thought she was annoying as shit

I always thought she was cute but

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

  kumiko: those are very natsuki-like reasons lol

  natsuki: U cant deny that yuuko is an acquired taste

  kumiko: okay i guess you're right lol

  natsuki: Can i ask u smth now

  kumiko: yeah what is it?

  natsuki: U said u were gay rite

  kumiko: yeah

  natsuki: Were u and reina an item or smth

  kumiko: yeah

we kept it under the covers-ish

only a handful of people knew, like asuka-senpai and midori-chan and hazuki-chan

i dont think any of her family knew

but we were somewhat open w/ affection like holding hands and stuff

you know?

  natsuki: Yeah i no lol

I kinda called it tbh

But it wasnt my business and idc who ppl date anyways

As long as ure happy and safe

  kumiko: mhm

  natsuki: She must have meant a lot to u huh

  kumiko: …

yeah..

it sucks that things went the way they did…

  natsuki: Yeah

It rly hurt u a lot huh

When she left

  kumiko: was it noticeable?

  natsuki: Kinda

U always had this zoned look on ur face when no1 was talkin to u

And u were quieter

  kumiko: you're surprisingly observant

is it your vice-president intuition kicking in lol

  natsuki: Lmao i guess

U pick up things after a while

  kumiko: yeah i get it

  natsuki: Plus i think i got it from u lol

  kumiko: yeah?

  natsuki: Yeah

U have this weird ability to read ppl sometimes

  kumiko: wish i could read what reina was thinking back then

or when she writes to me now

so that i know why she left in the first place

  natsuki: Ull figure it out

Maybe itll be clear sooner or l8r

Ask when ure ready

  kumiko: yeah maybe

thanks natsuki-senpai

for letting me talk to you

i would have gone to asuka-senpai but she gets a little too blunt sometimes lol

and as much as i love her she’s useless when it comes to these kinds of things

  natsuki: Anytime kid

Oh btw this is offtopic but

R u going to the Agata Festival

  kumiko: i was thinking about it

are you?

  natsuki: Yeah

Yuuko’s been begging me to take her

I think its so that she can see kaori again lol

  kumiko: or maybe she just wants to spend time w/ you

you know

since you’re her girlfriend

 natsuki: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Who knows

Anyways were planning on leaving in two weeks

So we could have a week to chill before the actual festival

U wanna come

  kumiko: sure

  natsuki: Cool

Ill txt u more deets l8r

  kumiko: sounds good to me

i’ll ttyl then

better start on this letter lol

  natsuki: Got u

Ttyl

  Kumiko locked her phone, and reclined in her seat. She stared at the ceiling, noticing how, despite the summer heat around her, her chest felt considerably lighter. Like someone came and took a weight she never knew she was carrying.

  Just build up to her, Something whispered. You can do that, right?

  Kumiko sat up and reached for her pen again. Once the tip touched the paper, words began to form on the page. Words turned into sentences, which took shape into paragraphs, and before Kumiko knew it, she had to reach for another piece of stationary.

  Reina,

  I went into college undecided. Right now, I’m getting all the general classes out of the way, but I took a music composition class as an elective. It was an interesting experience; it made me remember why I loved music and euphonium so much in the first place. I might take extra classes on it.

  If I’m being honest, I’m surprised that you decided to become a teacher. I never would have expected that from you, considering how well you received the underclassmen when they came in. You would always rant on and on about that whenever we went on our hikes, too. Especially when you got frustrated at the “lack of commitment” from the underclassmen during our second-year. But, you know, we pulled through in the end. We managed to get a gold at Nationals that year (but then you complained on how it was a dud gold and not real gold, and that reminded me of a particular scene back in the middle-school).

  It’s hard to believe, yet at the same time, I can picture Band Director Reina perfectly. You would be similar to Taki-sensei, I think. Overly-serious, with a stoic face and straight voice. You would give tons of tough love to the slackers and the ones who weren’t improving as quickly as you would like, but your harsh words would carry good intentions.

  Writing that made me realize how much I missed Taki-sensei and Kitauji. Maybe I’ll drop by when I come by in a few weeks, around the Agata Festival.

  Speaking of the Festival, are you planning on attending with anyone? Me, I don’t really have plans to attend, honestly. Midori-chan is coming back from England, so I might be with her—maybe. I heard from Hazuki-chan that the Festival is going to be more lively this year. How much more lively, I wouldn’t know—I haven’t gone the last couple of years.

  Maybe if you go, we can run into each other again.

  Kumiko

  Finishing her signature with a flourish, Kumiko glanced over her letter with a touch of pride and lots of satisfaction.

  She certainly wrote much more than she had expected.

  But, underneath her contentedness, there was a nagging question in the back of her mind, prodding around for answers.

  Why did Reina leave in the first place?

  You can ask her once you’re ready—just build up to it. Like Natsuki-senpai said, Something assured. And then you’ll be able to find the answer.

  Kumiko pulled out an envelope from her desk drawer, folded the letter into thirds, then tucked it into the envelope. As she wrote down Reina’s address followed by her own, Kumiko noticed a budding feeling in her chest. It made her feel jittery at the thought of sending this letter to Reina, while at the same time, an unbridled sense of anticipation filled her when she thought about the possible replies Reina’s letter might hold.

  -X-

  Reina’s reply came a mere two days after Kumiko delivered hers.

  Oh, Kumiko,

  If that was your way of trying to find out whether or not I have someone else in my life, the answer is no, I don’t have anyone to go to the Festival with. But, if you’re in Uji for the Festival, then perhaps we can go together—that is, if you’re not busy with your plans with Kawashima-san.

  (At this, Kumiko pictured Reina curling her lips into the subtlest of smirks, and she had to pause reading to gather her flustered self)

  But, you know, attending the Agata Festival wouldn’t be so bad. It’s been two years since I’ve attended it, after all. I doubt that there will be any groundbreaking changes, but I think I’ll still go. For nostalgia’s sake, you know? Coming back to Japan made me realize how much I’ve missed everything. I suppose you can say that the Agata Festival is one of them. I’m not one to linger on these types of things, but when you leave the place you once knew for a whole new world, you’ll start to miss the flavor of familiarity. Sure, there’s the thrill of trying new things, but that can only last so long.

  You know how they say you can never truly appreciate something until it’s gone? I think I understand what they mean now.

  Anyways, it’s a pleasant surprise to hear that you’re still involved with music. Music composition is a very interesting choice of study. I remember I took a class on it in my time abroad. I didn’t find it quite as enjoyable as actually performing, but I’m still going with it. Maybe somewhere along the line I’ll actually like it.

  Speaking of music, have you watched Kitauji’s performance in this year’s Sunrise Festival? I’m surprised at the rapid growth of the group, if I’m being honest. They’ve improved a lot since our second-year performance with them. They nearly doubled in size—instead of 40 people in the band and only a handful of color guard, it’s almost an 80-piece band. I didn't get a proper count of the color guard, but there was a considerable amount. Their diagonals were a bit off, but their steps were together, and all of them were on beat. The sound was amazing as well—loud, bold, yet majestic. If you ever decide to drop by Kitauji when you’re in Uji, I’m sure Taki-sensei will show you the tape. I feel a sort of quiet pride exuding from him every time I mention it. You’ll understand what I mean if you do.

  Awaiting your reply,

  Reina

  It’s almost comical how our letters to one another are getting longer and longer. Kumiko chuckled, taking out a sheet of stationary.

  Maybe it’s all part of building up to each other, Something mused. Kumiko silently agreed as she reached for a pen.

  Unlike her last two replies, Kumiko didn't hesitate to work, her words filling up page after page.

  -X-

  Before Kumiko knew it, she established a comfortable correspondence with Reina. She received Reina’s letters at unpredictable times, sometimes two days after she sent her own reply, other times a whole week. Nevertheless, Kumiko found herself stopping by her PO box with anticipation every morning. If she was especially restless, she would even check her mailbox multiple times a day. Once that letter arrived, however, Kumiko made sure to reply and deliver right away.

  Even if it meant going down to the lobby near the dead of night.

  “Going to deliver something so late, Kumiko-chan?”

  “Guah!” Kumiko nearly jumped out of her own skin. Whipping her head around, she saw Gram staring at her behind the counter with a smile, brown eyes twinkling in the bright light of the lobby. “G-Gram! I—uh—didn’t see you there.”

  Gram chuckled. “I can tell.” Her gaze drifted to the lone envelope that Kumiko held in her hands. “Bills?”

  “A-ah, no.” Kumiko scratched the back of her neck. “It’s, uh, a letter.”

  “A letter?”

  “Yeah. For someone.”

  Gram looked back at Kumiko, her smile never wavering. “It looks like your generation knows how to write letters after all.” There was an amused lilt in her voice, and hearing it made Kumiko smile crookedly.

  “Admittedly, it wasn’t easy.” She chuckled. “The first couple of times took me much longer than it should have to write.”

  “That’s how it is with a lot of things,” Gram said with a knowing nod. “I was the same, you know.”

  “Really?”

  Gram nodded and turned to the small picture frame that sat on her desk. Kumiko followed her gaze, craning her neck to get a better look, and saw the faded black-and-white picture of a young couple., The man was meticulously dressed in a suit, hair slicked back. His arm was around the waist of a young woman dressed in a flowing kimono, her black hair tied back into an elaborate bun. While at first glance their expressions seemed stoic, Kumiko noticed that both their lips were curled into the subtlest of smiles.

  “Hideo-san had to find work, oftentimes abroad, especially in the beginning of our marriage,” Gram began. “We would write letters to one another, but in the first few years, I struggled to figure out on what to write. What do I say to someone that I barely knew, yet at the same time, someone I was supposed to share my everything with? We were an arranged marriage, and we didn't get to meet face-to-face until our wedding day.”

  “Sounds…tough.”

  Gram laughed, her voice rich with nostalgia. “It was. Our letters to one another at first were sparse, both in quantity and quality. But over time, we—how do I say this? We—”

  “Built up to one another?”

  “Yes,” Gram said with a nod. “Something like that. Our responses to one another grew and grew, and so did our love.” Gram looked at Kumiko, and Kumiko noticed how her brown eyes shimmered in the light. “Love finds its way, Kumiko-chan. It always does.”

  Kumiko’s stomach churned, as if it had a hard time digesting the sudden sweetness in Gram’s voice. “That so?”

  Gram let out a breath of amusement. “You don’t believe me, do you?”

  “Wha—I never said tha—why would you assume—”

  “It’s fine, Kumiko-chan,” Gram said with a laugh. “It’s hard to believe it when love hurts, like so many things in life.”

  Kumiko’s words died on her tongue.

  “Love is never easy. I’ve learned that the hard way. But”—Gram reached over to cup Kumiko’s face; she melted into the calloused, yet gentle touch—”it’ll always find you. Whether it’s through a passion or a person, developed or spontaneous, love will find you. And when it does, it will stay. Do you…understand?”

  Kumiko pursed her lips to keep them from quivering as she gave a faint nod. “Yeah, I—I think I get it.”

  “Good.” Gram lightly pinched Kumiko’s cheek before pulling her hand away. “You’ve been hurt by this person, haven’t you?” Her eyes drifted to Kumiko’s letter.

  “Yeah. She, uh, left. To study abroad. Didn’t really say anything about it, though.”

  Gram hummed and gave a knowing nod.

  “But she sent me a letter a couple of weeks ago saying she’s back in Japan, so….” Kumiko shrugged and looked down at the letter in her hands. “My friend told me to slowly build up what I used to have with her. I found it a little hard at first, but I’m getting used to it now. I even look forward to getting letters. But, it’s just that—I don’t know—I just I think she’ll leave again, and this time, she’ll never return.”

  “Well,” Gram began, “if she came back in the first place, it must mean something, hm?” She raised her eyebrows and a playful smile tugged her lips.

  Kumiko chuckled. “Yeah, I guess….”

  “Is this person someone important to you?”

 “Yeah,” Kumiko said, “she’s an important…friend.” Kumiko forced the word out, and ignored the way her heart winced in her chest.

  “Your eyes say otherwise.”

  Kumiko’s ears were suddenly ablaze, the shame of lying to Gram consuming Kumiko’s face in a red blush. “U-uh—w-well—”

  “You’re still the same to me, Kumiko-chan.” Gram said with a growing smile. “Love has no boundaries. Never be ashamed of loving another person, regardless of who they are.”

  Kumiko’s lips pulled into a crooked smile. “Thanks, Gram.”

  Gram’s smile turned into a grin as she chuckled. “Anytime. Ah, before you go, I have something for you.” Kumiko watched as Gram shuffled off into the back of her office, rustling about, until she returned with a Tupperware container full of food.

  Kumiko’s stomach growled when she saw the chicken katsu and rice inside.

  “Thanks,” Kumiko said as she reached out for the food. She could feel the slight warmth of the rice tickling her fingertips as she held it. “You know, you don’t have to do this, though.”

  Gram shook her head. “It’s fine. I want to do this. I love cooking because it reminds me of Hideo-san. I would always cook for him whenever I had the chance.”

  Kumiko’s heart ached when she saw Gram’s shining eyes drift towards Hideo-san’s picture, a nostalgic smile on her face.

  Her love never ends for him, Something whispered. Maybe she’s right. Maybe love does stay.

  The thought left warm feeling in her chest.

  “Thanks, Gram,” Kumiko said quietly.

  Gram looked up at Kumiko. The beads of tears that were collecting in her eyes sparkled in the light, and in that moment, Kumiko thought that Gram looked like the beautiful young woman in the picture.

  “Enjoy the food,” Gram said, the smallest of smiles tugging on her lips.

  -X-

  you remember

the first meal you cooked

together

  she was home

  alone

  “no one’s here?” you asked

“yeah, but it’s okay,” she said

as if it was normal for her to be

  alone

  you tried not to let that bother you

as the both of you prepared dinner

together

  the drone of the tv playing,

the clatter of cutlery,

the ruckus of pots and pans,

the sizzle of the meat,

all of that was just background noise to you because you focused on

  how she looked

how she laughed

how she spoke

because it was moments like these, you realized

that she looked genuinely happy,

and sparkled in the moonlight

like an angel

flung out of space

  you prepared the food

together

you set the table

together

you ate

together

laughed

together

you spoke

together

you were happy

together

  “the food tastes amazing,” she said

  “yeah,” you said, “it does.”

  but in the back of your mind

you wondered

how often she ate her meals

  alone

  and how bland they tasted

whenever she ate

  alone

  because people always say

meals taste better when eaten

together